we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
