How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
