Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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