the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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