i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
