so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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