your room smells of hookers.
And success
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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