Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He felt like a one man threesome
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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