4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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