Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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