Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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