How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
