who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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