Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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