Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently you make a good broom.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
