party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
