When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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