Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
