He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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