my soul wont recognize me after tonight
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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