I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
