Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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