thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We had to coat check the pizza.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
