please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
