He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
