every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
