This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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