Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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