proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
