he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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