im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
