do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
