i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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