I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
