So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
