you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They took my balls.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
