she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have demons in me.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
