Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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