I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
