I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
