I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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