i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
