Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
