God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
