Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
