I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
