Swine flu is the new snow day.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
