laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
