The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
