My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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