so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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