that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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